It’s sometimes easier to stay angry with someone else than to face our own frustration and fears.
When we think we’re treated unfairly, we typically become upset. Yet I wonder how often we’re really upset about another problem—but we don’t “go there” because a viable solution to that situation doesn’t seem within reach.
A recent letter to the editor of the San Diego Union-Tribune underscores this reflection. The woman wrote about her negative experience with San Diego Hospice. Or so she thought.
When I read the letter, it seemed more about a woman who was beleaguered after caring for her bedridden mother, rather than a letter about the wrongdoings of San Diego Hospice. Although the woman slams the organization for not giving her the support she wanted, the reader is left with a different impression.
Namely, the woman faults San Diego Hospice with examples that are actually beyond the scope of services that hospice provides. So instead eliciting support and compassion from me, I almost found myself becoming annoyed with her indignation—until I reminded myself that she was probably choosing to stay angry rather than deal with her grief and loss.
But that’s why as parents, I think it’s good to step back and reflect when we find ourselves upset with a person or organization that’s trying to help us. We can ask ourselves: Have we created unrealistic expectations that are not in sync with established policies? Are we remaining upset (e.g. we don’t ask for clarification or give the person a chance to respond to the concern) to avoid dealing with another (perhaps bigger) problem?
And if so, what are we modeling for our kids? That instead of moving forward, it’s good to stay upset?
Somehow, I don’t think that message is in anyone’s best interest.
