Parenting Tips from an Unlikely Expert

Some of the best parenting advice comes from none other than . . . Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer.

I’m serious. No, I’m not inferring that your child is a pit bull or Rottweiler.  But listen to what he says, substituting the word “dog” with “child,” and you may be amazed at how his advice also applies to parents.

Here are some of the main points he makes on his site and during his weekly television show:

• A dog’s behavior will change only after the owner’s behavior changes.
• Owners must establish themselves as the   pack leader.
• If the pack leader is not clearly established, the dog will try to fill the vacant role (but with disastrous results).
• There are no part-time pack leaders; in fact, inconsistency triggers confusion and anxiety.
• Pack leaders gain control of a situation before it escalates.
• Pack leaders remain consistent in their body language and signals.
• Pack leaders know what they want from their dog, and they set  clear goals.
• Dogs thrive on structure and boundaries or they feel lost and confused about their role in the pack.
• Pack leaders help their dogs learn to problem-solve on their own since doing so keeps their mind busy and builds confidence
• Dogs respond to a calm-assertive demeanor—not emotional arguments or negotiations.
• Pack leaders always end a training session with success.
• Dogs cannot survive on love alone.
• Pleading, cajoling, and offering treats have no lasting effect on changing the dog’s unwanted behavior.
• Unwanted behavior is viewed as an opportunity for change, growth, and learning.

On Cesar’s show, the dogs and personal stories change weekly, but the ending is always the same.   Lo and behold, the owners discover that once they change their behavior, the dog’s behavior also changes.

In other words, the dog is never the variable. While viewers watch various owners go through a process before they arrive at this “amazing” realization, Cesar and his fans always know how it’s going to go right from the start.

We’ve been working with families for over 11 years at the Brain Highways program, and we, too, find that once the parents change their behavior, their kids’ behavior also changes.  While we use more people-friendly terms (we talk about parents reclaiming their castle since they’re the kings and queens who rule it), we have the same philosophy for kids as Cesar does for dogs.

So, if you’re not sure that you always rule your own castle, try watching The Dog Whisperer.  Often, it’s easier to take information in and reflect when examples are a few steps removed from our own personal situation. If you find yourself sighing and shaking your head since you know the poodle’s owner is contributing to or even causing the existing problem, ask yourself if anything in the show might apply to your own home.  Sometimes, the answer is very humbling.