Getting Kids to Open Up and Engage in Conversation

Sometimes it seems like “I dunno” and “nothin’” are the only two phrases kids know. So how can we help children share more of their thoughts?

First, we gotta toss the prosecutor approach.  Sure, we’re asking questions because we’re interested in their lives, but they often hear us as interrogators or as testing them to say the “right” answer.

So to get kids to open up and talk more, first tell them that most of life’s questions don’t really have one right answer. Then start asking them questions where any answer is game.

Initially, some kids may shy away from even creative, open-ended questions. If so, they can first listen to conversations where everyone is giving a different answer to the same question—and all answers are treated with respect.

Also note that responding “Great answer!” is counterproductive. Kids may interpret that to mean, “Oh, that person got it right.”  In contrast, if we praise the thought process (i.e. “I’m impressed with your thinking”), then we encourage kids to share even more.

Open-ended questions can range from silly to serious. Here are some examples of a variety of critical and creative-thinking questions to get your kids talking:

• How do you think socks got their name?
• Since they don’t use pans to cook on the planet Zala Mala, what do they use them for?
• Would Goldilocks want to be friends with Little Red Riding Hood? Why or why not?
• What would a queen’s bathtub look like?
• How do you think the idea of toothpaste began?
• Do you think kids should have a bedtime? Why or why not?
• Do you think schools should have a dress code? Why or why not?
• What might frighten a parent?

What are some other open-ended questions to ask kids?