We can increase the odds
of keeping teens safe.
There’s no getting around it: The teenage brain is a mess. At the beginning of adolescence, the brain has a ton of neural connections. Then it goes through a period where it starts pruning away some of those very same connections.
To make life even more confusing, the part of the brain dealing with emotions is working overtime, and the part moderated by reason is taking a back seat. Unfortunately, that means teens probably aren’t thinking much about safety.
Can we change the teenage brain? No. Can we act in ways to keep teens safe? Yes. Here are some ideas.
1. Have your teen drive a slow, safe car.
Who cares if your teen thinks your old Volvo isn’t cool? Make that car the only option . . . or he can walk or take the bus.
2. Limit the possibilities.
When our family stayed in that remote cabin over New Year’s, logistics ensured that my girls weren’t going to that “big party.”
3. Keep all your ducks in your pond.
While there’s admittedly a downside to having your teen’s bedroom close to yours, it’s much harder for a teen to engage in suspect activity when you’re right across the hall.
4. Rehearse ready-to-use excuses for unsafe situations.
Some standbys might be, “Sorry, I’m training for (fill-in-the-blank)” when offered alcohol or drugs, or, “I’m feeling sick and need to go home” when things are getting out of control.
5. Check out the parents of your teen’s friends.
Parents often have different ideas of supervision, so it’s helpful to know if everyone is on the same page.
6. Make everything related to safety not open for discussion.
If you initiate this policy when they’re very young, it will transfer into the teen years.
7. Stick to Cinderella (and earlier) curfews.
Even if your teen drives responsibly, what about those other folks on the road after midnight?
8. Strive to be the unpopular parent.
The more your teen thinks you’re not cool, the more you’re probably keeping him safe.
9. Work together to set online guidelines.
Discuss with your teen how to reap the positive benefits of the internet without the negatives (e.g. inappropriate sites, predators, etc.).
10. Replace lectures with hands-on experiences.
Have your teen volunteer somewhere she’ll interact with people facing the consequences of drunk driving and using drugs.
11. Ensure your teen completes her lower brain development.
If the lower brain is developed, your teen won’t make poor decisions based on distorted information (for example, choosing not to wear a seatbelt because his brain is continually distracted by how that feels against his body).
While safeguards are important, we also need to give teens some freedom and independence. We just have to be smart about it.
For example, at 15, my daughter told me she didn’t know how much longer she could be the “only one” not drinking. It wasn’t so much about wanting to be drunk. Rather, she just felt she needed to do something rebellious.
So she became the first kid in her group to get her bellybutton pierced. She told everyone of our deal: She traded drinking for piercing. Did it last forever? No, but that response kept her alcohol-free for two years.
As parents, we just want to make sure our teens become adults who live long, wonderful lives. My 92-year-old father is often asked the secret to his longevity, and his response indirectly relates to teens. He says, “You need good health, good attitude, and good luck – and two out of three are not enough.”
Unfortunately, it’s that “good luck” variable that keeps us up until our teens are home, safe and sound.
